Category: parody

Warehouse 1488

Der Movement’s artifacts.

Der Movement’s artifacts and their effects:
Ted Sallis’ computer screen – viewer becomes a crazy and bitter gesticulating swarthoid, who is hysterically triggered by all “movement” content
Hadley’s litterbox – allows feline users the ability to walk along framed photos of Adolf Hitler and Rudolf Hess without knocking them over
Greg Johnson’s glasses – the wearer feuds with everyone they encounter
Richard Spencer’s toasting glass from Hailgate – bearer has their activist career implode
Matt Parrott’s Walmart shopping cart – allows the user to accurately predict and detect cuckoldry
George Lincoln Rockwell’s laundromat washing machine – user attracts violent Greeks
Robert Mathews’ National Alliance membership card – holder undergoes spontaneous combustion
Arthur Kemp’s computer keyboard – whatever drivel you write with it, no matter how wrong and disproved by the facts, will have Nutzis proclaiming you are right
David Duke’s gambling chips – stimulates people to send you donation money
Jared Taylor’s microphone – translates all “wh” sounds into “huwh”
Professor Hart’s necktie worn at the 2006 Amren convention – allows the wearer to curse at someone twice their size without getting punched out
Steadman’s Viking horn – attracts Swedish infiltrators
Francis Parker Yockey’s jailhouse uniform – makes you unable to distinguish between a light-skinned American Negro and a mulatto Cuban; worse, it makes you unable to realize that, racially speaking, one isn’t any better than the other
Alt Right cocaine snorting straw – allows user to take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’
Peter Brimelow’s hair brush – gives you the ability to effortlessly exploit your children for fund raising drives
Chair that Derbyshire was knocked over by Bruce Lee – induces measured groveling to Chinese women
William Pierce’s pillowcase – teleports Hungarian women into your bedroom
Adolf Hitler’s moustache comb – makes you sexually irresistible to your half niece
Benito Mussolini’s Blackshirt – wearer spastically thrusts their chin out
Durocher’s calipers – allows for an instantaneous assessment of anyone’s exact racial ancestry, down to ten significant figures of percentages
Roissy’s underwear – analogous to a diaper, can absorb spontaneous ejaculatory emissions induced by looking at pictures of Donald Trump
Steve Sailer’s beard trimmer – user writes breezy and shallow posts about the real estate prices of golf courses.
Genuine Amren conference latrine fly – owner gets a free lifetime supply of yarmulkes
Based Stickman’s shield – wielder has flashbacks to being Steve Rogers taking the super soldier serum and becoming Captain America
Kevin MacDonald’s suit jacket – wearer is instantly transported to the European Ice Age, where they become a high trust northern hunter gatherer
Julius Evola’s monocle – allows wearer to see spiritual race
Giovanni Gentile’s notebook – user argues for clemency for their ideological opponents, and then gets killed by them
Munro’s passport – bearer is transported to Romania, and is forced to dance the hora
Deasy’s passport – bearer is transported to Bulgaria, and is forced to stare at all the Balkanoid faces
Dennis Mangan’s barbell (or perhaps dumbbell would be more appropriate) – user’s IQ drops in proportion to the growth of muscle size
Savitri Devi’s sari – wearer looks at Mahatma Gandhi, sees Dolph Lundgren
The boat Don Black was going to use to invade Dominica – user’s children will reject all of user’s most heartfelt beliefs
Nazi Blood Flag – owner will start giving hours-long harangues in German, with an Austrian accent
Suit worn by Kevin Strom for marriage to first wife – wearer will have continuous bad luck with women
Joseph Goebbels’ right shoe – wearer will limp, make hysterical speeches, and fall in love with a woman considered to be racially inferior
Hunter Wallace’s yellow t-shirt – wearer can track down Jeffrey Imm with ease; wearer also becomes invisible when hiding behind a tree
Ben Klassen’s dinner plate – owner will find that a very salubrious fruitarian meal will materialize on the plate
Willis Carto’s pants – wearer will be able to instantly converse with any imprisoned fascist on Earth
Patrik Hermansson’s ID card – bearer can enter any White nationalist meeting, no matter how extremely vetted
Andrew Yang’s chopsticks – user has the ability to make White nationalist leaders make fools of themselves
David Yeagley’s wigwam – owner possess the very rare ability to win legal judgments against the Left
Joe Tomassi’s car – driver finds tomato sauce stains forming on their shirt in the pattern of bloody gunshot wounds
Alex Linder’s television – watcher becomes enraged as they imagine watching and listening to Jared Taylor say that Jews look White and therefore are White
George Burdi’s recording studio – user has Armenian ancestry appear and disappear at random intervals; user also experiences the same visual disturbances as wearers of Savitri Devi’s sari
Will Williams’ green beret – wearer sees every bearded man as looking like Harold Covington
Copy of Richard McCulloch’s Destiny of Angels, autographed by author – owner looks at a middle-aged 400 pound Nordish woman riding a motorized scooter in a Midwestern Walmart, sees a 25 year old Michelle Pfeiffer
One of J Richards’ digital smiley stickers to cover women’s nipples – owner has the urge to talk to Stormy Daniels about the “moon landing hoax”
Sharpened bamboo stick used by a teen-aged Japanese schoolgirl in the summer of 1945 to practice in anticipation of the anticipated American invasion – induces priapism requiring immediate medical attention in Majority Rights bloggers (black boots worn by female Chinese military has the same effect)
Colin Liddell’s highlander kilt – wearer has the urge to challenge Andrew Anglin to a sword fight while yelling “there can be only one”
Andrew Anglin’s plane ticket to the Philippines – bearer gets lifelong immunity to all tropical diseases, especially yellow fever
James Mason’s bathroom mirror – owner sees the reflected image of Charles Manson
Mike Enoch’s marriage certificate – bearer gets a lifetime free supply of gefilte fish and matzah balls
Norman Lowell’s walking stick – owner has the urge to repeatedly yell “Presente,” and then sip wine
Harold Covington’s beard hair follicle – confers free lifetime membership in the National Alliance
Piece of toffee David Irving cracked his tooth on – owner gets free room and board in an Austrian prison
Copy of Richard Lynn-designed IQ test – Northern Chinese get 20 points added on to start with, Southern Italians get 20 points subtracted to start with
Surgical instruments used for Greg Cochran’s heart operation – owner starts devising military plans for Israel to conquer Italy for Jewish lebensraum
J. Philippe Rushton’s eyeglasses (don’t get these mixed up with Johnson’s) – wearer suddenly finds married Negro females to be very attractive
Corneliu Codreanu’s horse saddle – owner finds that, mysteriously, all of their enemies end up being shot and killed
Original copy of Ion Mota’s law thesis – owner has the uncontrollable urge to go around hitting every Jew they see, after which they visit Spain
Mihai Stelescu’s hospital bed – a particularly dangerous artifact, anyone who lies in it ends up getting riddled with dozens of gunshot wounds
Eoin O’Duffy’s blueshirt – wearer gets the urge to get drunk in a gay bar
Oswald Spengler’s calendar  owner is perpetually in Winter: hears rap music, sees modern art, reads “movement” blogs
All in jest. No offense meant. I poke fun at myself as well. Laughter is the best medicine for Der Movement’s serious illnesses. It’s all a joke – the entire “movement” – don’t take anything too seriously. After the latest “Yang Gang” fiasco, how can anyone serious take the “movement” seriously? It is much too late for that.